Just because I’m yawning doesn’t mean I’m bored, it means I’m tired because I got up at fucking early o’clock
My little four year old cousin is spending the night. She brought her rock collection with her. “I like my rocks,” she said.
I’m going to let you into my world right now: I have to fart so I’m going to walk over here and pretend to do something that’s not farting. Don’t follow me.
|*Wakes up in the middle of the night*|
|Me:||Please don't be 6am||*1;48am*|
|Me:||MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO ME!||*Shoves face back into pillow*|
Guest at someone's home
|Me:||YOUR KITCHEN CABINETS AND DRAWERS ARE WRONG.|
|Me:||WHY WOULD YOU PUT THE FORK IN THE DRAWER FARTHEST FROM THE PLATES.|
|Me:||NOW I HAVE TO WALK TO GET A FORK.|
|Me:||YOU ARE AN IDIOT.|