Me on overnights
Every waking hour before work: I don't want to work I just want to sleep I hate my life what is this why I hate you
Every single minute of 8+ hour shift: I just want to sleep why is this happening to me I am so tired god I just want to get in bed that's all I want is that too much to ask for I hate you
Lying in bed after work: I WILL NEVER SLEEP AGAIN.
Just because I’m yawning doesn’t mean I’m bored, it means I’m tired because I got up at fucking early o’clock
My little four year old cousin is spending the night. She brought her rock collection with her. “I like my rocks,” she said.
I’m going to let you into my world right now: I have to fart so I’m going to...– Guy I work with
*Wakes up in the middle of the night*
Me: Please don't be 6am
Me: MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS TO ME!
*Shoves face back into pillow*
Guest at someone's home
Me: YOUR KITCHEN CABINETS AND DRAWERS ARE WRONG.
Me: WHY WOULD YOU PUT THE FORK IN THE DRAWER FARTHEST FROM THE PLATES.
Me: NOW I HAVE TO WALK TO GET A FORK.
Me: YOU ARE AN IDIOT.
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fuckyeahforensics: Here I am last new years Here’s a pic of my boyfriend and I. Aren’t we adorable? Selfie Something was making me laugh at the Christmas party. Me at work. I need a plant for my cubicle. Me driving my car. Don’t worry, I never text and drive! Friends and I at a dinner party Sometimes work is stressful! My wedding day I always wear a helmet. Safety...
Texts From My Dad
My parents got their dog a chair. “She knows how to use the reclining feature,” says my dad. “I had to tape a long stick to her paw so she could reach the lever she has to pull.” “Unfortunately now she walks on three legs and drags that long stick.” “Click click click, throughout the whole house. It’s very irritating.” “Here she...
You know in GoldenEye when you have to lead Natalya around and it is so infuriating because she is slow and whines a lot and keeps getting killed? Just how it is when you have to show a customer something on the other side of the store. Except maybe not that last part..
Pretending to be busy is kind of tiring actually.
*shakes fist at adult responsibilities*
I wish there were snow days for work… but just my work so I could still do things and go places.
alongcomesabiggerfish replied to your post: laying in my cousins bed. spider on me. those… k8e come rescue meeeee obviously i am the one that needs to be rescued i have spiders on me
laying in my cousins bed. spider on me. those spiders are the worst spiders because they aren’t even your spiders from your house they are someone else’s spiders. why.
I hate being embarrassing. :( my embarrassment haunts me the rest of the day and I think of it when I try to go to sleep.
You know when you read something and the voice in your head that you read it in? I just know that when I show someone something to read they are reading it in the wrong head voice and that irritates me.
I like when I’m stopped at a light alongside a large vehicle and I zip off when the light turns green meanwhile the large vehicle just lumbers and lurches along slowly. It makes me think of Mario Kart when you play a small character like toad and the other player is a big fat character like wario or bowser.
Do you ever spend a long time thinking of a joke you made and appreciating how funny and witty you are so you tell someone what you’ve been laughing internally over forever and they’re just like, “oh.” Well whatever I’m hilarious.
I’m really irritated with one of my guy friends. He talks to me about his lady problems which is fine, I’ll help how I can. But. I’ve noticed that instead of… Working on things or his attitude or his issues he just kind of… Makes the sweeping generalization that his relationship issues are due to women in general, how we think and act. Honestly… If relationship...
I hate when I’m using a public bathroom and have to hear peoples bathroom noises.
The more science delves into it, the more science proves us [Christians] right.– Guy at my cousins church
Me: Am I free to assemble a protest of peaceful peers?
Government: Only with a permit.
Me: Am I free to travel?
Government: Only with a passport.
Me: Am I free to pursue my own ideas of happiness?
Government: Only within these constraints.
Me: Am I free to start a business?
Government: Only with a license.
Me: Am I free to marry who I wish?
Government: Only with my consent.
Me: Am I free?
Government: I'm legally obligated to say that you are.
Government: Stop asking so many questions.
iguanamouth: birds are so ridiculous how do they even all exist??? fuckin crazy ass bobbleheaded tiny motherfuckin i dont even things that dont make any sense dragon faced jesus christ is that a duck some kind of prehistoric nonsense holy shit where is your beak even birds, BIRDS
Seeing someone you know in a store and being too self-conscious to buy what you came to buy so you leave and go to a different store
I was almost three when my sister was born. I cried and threw a fit because she wasn’t black. I really wanted a black sister. My mom told me, “I don’t think your dad would be too happy if I had a black child.”
audino-hearts1: illustratedshadows: WHEN I WATCH PEOPLE ART IT JUST CONFUSES ME SO MUCH I??? YOUR HAND MOVES???? LINES APPEAR???? LINES LOOK GOOD??? LINES MAKE SENSE?? MAKE FACE AND BODY OF PERSON??? ART LOOK GOOD?? HAND QUICKLY MOVES AND ART GOOD?? GOOD ART?? HOW??? HOW DO HAND???? WHAT My thoughts exactly
By how foggy my car windows are you’d think I was having a make out session in here but no I’m just eating french fries
twoboobsjohnson: There’s one part of me that’s like: You should do your work, and then you wouldn’t be so stressed, and you would feel a great sense of accomplishment, and you’d have free time when you’re finished. But then there’s this other part of me that’s like: No. They both make such good arguments.
Me: She identifies as a girl. So she's a girl.
Friend: But she's really a
Me: No stop
vickae: robertoluongo: in grade 8 i did a power point presentation on “whooping cough” and my opening slide was a photo of whoopi goldberg coughing and i was the only person who laughed at it and i couldnt start the presentation for like five minutes because i was laughing too hard at my own joke this in my top three favourite text posts
shutupaubrey: excuse me siR EXCUSE ME ARE YOU AWARE THAT I HAVE A BLOG WITH OVER 2 FOLLOWERS ON THE INTERNET YES YOU HEARD ME OVER 2 FOLLOWERS SO IF I WERE YOU I WOULD SIT THE FUCK DOWN
beerito: this guy at my school put 20 dollars into the vending machine to buy cheetos and he got 380 nickels back a teacher had to take him to the office bc he was crying so hard